


A Bandom/Knight Rider Fusion

by idyll



Category: Bandom, My Chemical Romance
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fusion, Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-01-10
Updated: 2009-01-10
Packaged: 2017-10-07 10:12:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/64123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idyll/pseuds/idyll
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nothing but crack!fic that puts Gerard at the wheel of KITT while harboring some inappropriate feelings.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Bandom/Knight Rider Fusion

When Gerard drives KITT onto the semi, Bob is standing by the bank of computers on the left with a horrified look on his face. Gerard coasts KITT to a gentle stop on the right and gets out, steering clear of Bob and his clenched fists.

"What did you _do_ to it?"

Gerard rubs at his eye nervously. "See, there were these gun runners, and a boat, and, like--" He gestures at the coating of kelp and sea-salt remnants on KITT. "--the ocean."

Bob looks like Gerard just admitted to tripping his really old grandmother, or something. He picks a large swath of seaweed off of KITT's front bumper and reveals a very sluggish progression of red lights on the status bar.

"I told you," Bob growls as he pops the hood and starts attaching leads. "I specifically told you! Lakes. Rivers. _Ponds_. Fucking go for it. But no oceans."

A few keystrokes at the computer station have KITT lighting up like a Christmas tree. Bob studies the monitors, grunts, and taps out some adjustments on another keyboard. Gerard swears that he can hear KITT purring.

"Look, it wasn't my idea, okay? I can't even fucking swim, man." Gerard flails his arms about uselessly to demonstrate his inevitable drowning in any body of water deeper than a puddle. "KITT totally did that autonomous decision thing again."

Bob rolls himself out from under KITT and drops a clump of seaweed and a starfish at Gerard's feet. "I gave you an override."

"I tried to use it, but KITT cranked up the volume on the stereo to drown me out!"

It's obvious that Bob thinks Gerard should have done something to prevent the trip to the bottom of the admittedly shallow end of the ocean. That's always how it goes and it's enough to give Gerard a complex.

Bob ignores him in favor of working on KITT, so Gerard slumps on a stool in the corner and watches him replace components and then reboot the AI system that runs KITT. It comes back online with a flare of the status lights and a veritable groan of pleasure. "Bob! You tweaked my sensors, you sneaky bastard. You're _so_ fucking _good_ to me."

Gerard slumps so much more on the stool that he almost falls off. Meanwhile, Bob is blushing like a fifteen year old and petting the roof of the Trans Am that houses KITT.

"The ocean, KITT?" Bob asks. It's obvious he's _trying_ to seem stern but he just sounds indulgent. "You know I haven't gotten around to fully salt proofing you yet. You're lucky I was able to get you back online."

KITT laughs. "Please, you always get me back online. Besides, we had to catch the bad guys. They were totally evil, Bob. Please don't be mad!"

"I'm not mad. Just...did you really work around the override I gave Gee?"

"Yeah."

Bob's entire face brightens. "That's a whole new level of practical problem solving and autonomous thinking!" He leaves KITT's side with a lingering pet and goes to the computer station. "Show me the code string you generated."

The two of them stay in their own little world for the next two hours, leaving Gerard to stew and be totally melancholy.

*

"It's kind of fucked up," Mikey says the next night. "This crush you have on your car."

Gerard remains face down on the sofa, where he belly flopped upon arriving home. "Not the car. KITT."

"Even more fucked up," Mikey goes on, "is the weird sexual tension between KITT and Bob. KITT was singing Bob to sleep in the garage in the middle of the night."

"Bastards, the both of them."

"But your jealousy is probably the freakiest part of this whole thing," Mikey finishes. Gerard growls but Mikey just smacks the back of his head. "I call it like I see it."

*

The thing about KITT is that it really does have its own personality, complete with curse words and music preferences and the odd habit of making sounds like it's smoking a cigarette. It knows a shit load of comic canon and stays up to date by downloading scans from the Internet. It has opinions on movies and television shows, and it's constantly telling Gerard that they need more cowbell.

It's no wonder that Gerard's maybe a little in love with KITT, who only seems to want to spend time with Bob.

*

On the next mission, KITT comes to Gerard's rescue by crashing through a warehouse wall into a roomful of men who are all carrying automatic weapons loaded with armor piercing rounds. The semi has to come to them and Bob has to winch KITT up the ramp.

"I swear you do this shit on purpose," Gerard mutters to KITT an hour later, when Bob is fussing over KITT's damage and planning a nano-tech shell that will self repair.

"Prove it," KITT replies.

Bob keeps KITT in the garage for a month and gives Gerard a Vespa to drive in the meantime. In all honesty, Gerard maybe prefers the Vespa, though he misses KITT.

*

When Bob and Gerard almost come to blows a month later--and by that Gerard means that Bob drags him to the ground by his neck and sits on him--Brian intervenes.

"I think you three could do with a break from each other," Brian tells Gerard, Bob and KITT, who all make sounds of protest that Brian glares into submission.   
He has Mikey take KITT to Ray for diagnostics and upgrades, and sends Bob out to Chicago to work on the next generation systems.

As for Gerard, he tells him to come back the next day for a meeting. Gerard takes the Vespa home and names it Nima.

*

When Gerard turns up for the meeting the next day, Brian is waiting with a short guy who has a lot of tattoos and fucking gorgeous eyes, and is wearing a skeleton emblazoned hoodie. Gerard vaguely recognizes him from pictures in Ray's shop, though the guy was younger, heavier, and had a set of very unfortunate looking dreads in the photos.

Brian has a very suspicious smirk on his face when he introduces them. "Frank, this is Gerard, our driver."

"Hey man, how's it going?" Frank says and offers his hand.

"Gerard, this is Frank, he's--"

But Gerard is way ahead of him. He crushes Frank's hand in his own and stares at him. "KITT. He's KITT."

Frank laughs. "Voice and personality supplied by me, yeah."

Gerard's eyes widen. "_Personality?_?"

"Yeah, you can't build a personality matrix that complex from scratch," Brian says, and he's totally laughing at Gerard. "We had Frank come in and spend, like, four months talking his face off about everything under the sun."

Gerard still hasn't let go of Frank's hand, but to be fair, Frank doesn't really seem to mind. "So, wait, wait. Your thoughts on Spiderman--"

"Whiney fucktard."

"And Superman--"

"Too fucking perfect and goody." Frank narrows his eyes. "Marrow?"

Gerard bounces on his toes. "Dude. I'm not a Marvel junkie, but Marrow--"

"Is fucking awesome," Frank finishes while rocking on his heels.

Brian slips out of the room somewhere between their discussion of Tim Burton and their argument about hardcore music.

*

When Brian decides they're ready to work together again, Bob and KITT come back from their temporary exile. Bob croons at KITT while poking at every change Ray made, and KITT grumbles about how Ray's hands weren't nearly as gentle. Gerard has to hear about it from Mikey, though, because he's too busy talking to Frank on his cell phone to pay much attention.

.End


End file.
